Experiencing your life and becoming who you want to be is
something that people don’t usually consciously venture into. It’s usually
brought on by a life changing experience, but anything really can awaken a
Experiencing your life in a new way goes beyond YOLO and
just being a consumer. Be clear on who you want to be and focus on that
identity rather than things you are doing. For instance, changing my diet; I
used to say, “I don’t eat meat.” Now I say, “I’m vegan.”
When I said I don’t eat meat, I was still identifying with eating meat. Just that simple shift made a big difference. Even if I technically am not vegan.
Commit to who you want to become and be patient with yourself.
Give yourself grace and compassion. If you are not sure who you want to be, that’s
ok. Figure stuff out by going down the path.
Start by rating objects around you
A good place to start is to rate the things around you. Look at your desk or a small personal area. For instance, I have a sloth. Love it! I’d give it a 10 out of 10. It’s cute, its tape and it also holds my phone. I also have a flash drive that I would rate a 3 out of 10.
Once you feel like you are comfortable with figuring out
what you like and don’t like. Scale other things around you, and your
activities. Try to keep things that are a 5 and above. You don’t have to get
rid of everything else, but you need more of what are 5 and above.
You can also try moving around furniture or giving your
space new life by changing colors, or patterns. My favourite activity is
upcycle and DIY projects that help me get what I like without the cost.
Use this exercise in this link to help you know when you are in comfort and discomfort. Listen to your gut. And make being in alignment with yourself your north star in finding your way through life’s journey. The focus is not on feeling better. The focus is on getting better at feeling. Feel the sensations.
Cultivate your hobbies and interests
Once you have an idea of what you want, go for it!
Experience your life in a new way. Don’t just check boxes of what you think you
need. And idealize the life you would love to have. Our systems got organized in
different ways when we were children.
Get a high paying job. Get a house. Get married. Have children. Feminine or masculine hobbies… Look deep in your core and listen to yourself. For some of us it’s difficult to focus on the self. Because it’s selfish, self centered, or whatever programming we got when our systems were organized.
What gives you joy? What did you used to love doing when you were a child? What places would you love to visit? What foods would you love to try? What book would you love to write? Spend time by yourself to know who you really are.
Passions change throughout the years. It’s a journey. You
are not going to get to a point where life finally works out and you have all
the answers. Life keeps coming. So you might as well experience your life in
flow and in alignment with yourself.
Grieve the loss of what you thought you had
I feel like this is something that is often overlooked. But its
important. We have to accept all parts of ourselves. Especially when we find disappointment
with ourselves. Like now I know as much as I love doing art and I am great at
it, I don’t have the patience. It is time consuming.
There is so much I would love to do but I don’t have the
time. No wonder an online business is great. “Free up more time. People don’t have
to physically work to make money!” Go through the cycles of grief and come to
Once you separate the idealized life from reality and let go of what you thought would bring you happiness, things will get easier. That inner dialogue will become nicer. Most people try to shut up the inner dialogue. It’s a part of you. So help it shift as you journey on. Baby steps.
Some things you’ll experience are knowingly just a stepping
stone. Others will come to light when they no longer serves you. Journal to help
with processing when you are in alignment. I hear bullet journaling is great. I
want to try it. I have just been writing everything down in a notebook.
Note that you will cycle
Realize that you are going to cycle and have two to three bad
days a month. Be aware of your patterns. It’s proven by research that even men
cycle, it’s not just women that cycle. Feel the sensations and let it pass. Don’t
try and resist your feelings.
I have days when even my favourite music doesn’t feel good.
On those days I have to be really conscious of how I am showing up in my challenges.
I try not to make any major decisions
from that place. Your results are based on the energy you put behind your
When I feel great, because of that energy, the designs I
create are so much nicer and functional. When I am having those low days I can
barely even have the energy to work. Leave alone create something worthwhile.
Use those moments to focus in on yourself and feel deeper. Work with your inner child. Sit down with your inner child. How are they doing? Comfort them. Be present. Then the lows pass faster. Side note: there are a lot of other cycles out there that have been proven to influence our energy. If you want to share some thoughts on how cycles affect our lives, feel free to comment.
Feeling stuck could be the freeze response
If you are still struggling to move forward with creating a
life you love and experiencing your life in a new way, it might be a freeze
response. And not just a cycle. There are different ways we respond to a
stressful situation: Fight, Flight, Freeze and Fawn (friend).
Procrastination is part of that freeze response. You know that all you have to do is start but you just can’t get yourself to move. You feel stuck. Unmotivated. I’ve struggled with this, and this advice helped me to know how to tiptoe around my amygdala:
Set a timer for 5 minutes and just do what you are procrastinating for 5 minutes. It didn’t seem like a lot, but it’s amazing how those 5 minutes makes a big difference. I either decide to keep going for more than 5 minutes or I just stop and give myself grace.
When you are feeling stuck you can either be prepared by knowing
what you will do to break the pattern (pattern interrupt), or you can change
If it feels like a sacrifice, it’s not going to work
Is your pain being elevated? How do you feel? Be honest with yourself because if it feels like a sacrifice it’s not going to work. You might be able to find the will power to keep going for some time, but it’s not going to be something that you can do for years.
For example, I had a rocky start when I changed my diet. I
had to become creative. I would have never stuck to it if I didn’t find things
to eat that I actually really loved and craved. If it felt like I was eating
cardboard, I definitely would not have stuck to the diet.
Be creative. Don’t just stick to the conventional ways of
doing things. Everyone is different and it might just be that you need to
change a technique rather than change the entire plan.
Find support groups
A good place to find support groups is meetup.com. They have
a large number of interest groups you can join. You should also look at places
like facebook, and the library, to find groups. Its’ great when you can be with
other people who have experienced similar things or enjoy similar things.
It’s even better if you find someone who is good at what you
want to do and is actually enjoying it. It’s not so you can copy what they are
doing, I really don’t like this idea of sameness, like we all have to do the
It’s so that you can get an idea if it fits your lifestyle. Have a line in the sand. You can also get an idea of concerns, such as how much time or money it actually takes. You can really interview them and see if there are any deal breakers.
Start new traditions
I think I love this one the most. My kids eyes lit up when I
told them we can make up our own holiday. They wanted to have Candy Day. Eye roll.
I am still experimenting with this. It’s really exciting making up the holiday
and deciding how you will express and celebrate what is important to you.
Do your traditions a little differently. Or even make up new traditions. Celebrate holidays differently. You have to especially tune in to what feels right and the reasons why you do what you do. You have to be really clear on your why with some of this stuff because some of these things that are passed on are so rigid.
My goal is to know who I am so strongly that even if I was the only one who had a different opinion, I would stand by my choices. It is my hope that you will also be who you are. Experience your life. Build yourself enough so that your self worth doesn’t completely go away when you run into life’s challenges.
Experience your life
Experience your life. Don’t just do what “should” be done. Build your life consciously. Start by rating objects around you then take the exercise deeper. Cultivate your hobbies and interests. Do what brings you joy.
Grieve the loss of what you thought you had. Note that you will cycle and that you might be feeling stuck because its a freeze response. However if it feels like a sacrifice, its not going to work.
Either change your patterns or change your perception if it aligns with you and absolutely resonates with who you want to be. It helps to find support groups.
Then there is my favourite, start new traditions. What do you need in your life to live well and experience your life in a new way? Shut down the external voices, and the internal voices that are not your own.
Feel free to comment on the struggles and tips of experiencing your life! Not the life others would love you to have. Or if you are like me; not the life you mistakenly though would bring you happiness. What worked best for you?