Posted by on September 13, 2019

Be Educated And Empowered

Recreated mom starting over? What does this mean? First a little of how I ended up with recreated, then some tips to use when starting over. You have your own reason for having to start over. When I finally left my x husband I was finding joy in everything! I was so happy to be alive.

I think my only fear was that I would wake up and find I was in a dream and he was still there. I was noticing how everything is so vibrant and so glad to not have to hold myself back anymore.

Eventually I started to build a life with purpose, doing more of what sparks joy. When you start over its empowering to be able to choose what you want in your life and create a life you love. Look inward and don’t just follow your bliss, but follow what brings you to your higher self and brings you inner peace. This inner power will then enable you to expand outward and do more than ever before.

I also finally started the work on what groomed me to end up in that situation. For the first time I heard about echoism, codependency, boundaries, complex PTSD (heard it before but who on earth thought that was me? Not me!), people pleasing, the inner child, empath. It’s important to not only be empowered but to be educated on why you ended up where you are. Of course so you don’t end up it the situation again.

This deep work, after your life has been interrupted is what leads you to become a soulpreneur. So, having to start over is actually really great! After I worked on myself enough to occupy my space that was intended for me when I came into this planet, I started to let go of what wasn’t me. And both single mom and Solo mom were in that pile and here is why.

I cringe slightly on the inside when I am called a single mom

I used to love saying I’m single before I got married. It was more because it meant I was available. It’s easy for me to separate the two and to know that Single doesn’t mean looking for a relationship. But while you and I understand this, people don’t seem to get it.

“You just need to find the right guy who will treat you right.” This is after several attempts of saying I am not looking, I am not interested and I am not just a woman scorned who has sworn of being in a relationship to avoid being hurt.

Like I finally just got my mind, body and spirit vibrating at a good enough frequency! And it feels good and I feel complete. You know that feeling inside? Like you are whole? I’ve learnt enough about a healthy relationship to know I can make it work. But I make the choice to remain single. So, for now, single mom will remain out of my self description. I absolutely love this quote that I photo edited for you.

No matter what phase you are in, you are still whole
No matter what phase you are in, you are still whole.

I used to get tripped up with having my “other half” to complete my life, or having a soulmate. Don’t look for someone else to complete you, or look for that job, house etc. to make your life compete. You are complete. No matter what your life looks like now.

Solo mom doesn’t resonate with me either

Then there is solo mom, occasionally used by those who are not in a relationship and are not looking for a relationship. If you are raising children you often get help in one way or another. I don’t have a support system around me but I don’t do it all truly alone so saying I do it solo doesn’t resonate with me.

It’s perfectly OK for you to want to be called a single mom, solo mom, single dad, solo dad. There is no true answer for all when it comes to finding what resonates with your true core.

It would be so much easier if we could just call all the moms, “mom”. If we have to be distinguished, why are we the ones who get a label? Why can’t the married moms be called “married moms?”…

Why Recreated Mom

Since recreated is not dependent on your status, anyone can be a recreated mom. Have the insight to work on you and create the best version of you. Being a mom entails so much, that moms often get so lost in the patterns and lose themselves.

Our identities are not attached to our roles, responsibilities, paths, experiences, trauma: we forget we are creators. Those things are not who you are. You can be anything. It starts with what you believe. You can create anything you want. The only thing holding you back is how you see yourself. You are limitless. You have to make that shift from, “the world is happening to me,” to “I can make the world happen.”

I also like the idea of recreating an old photo or object; it looks like the original in so many ways but the photo or object is brand new. A recreated photo especially illuminates how you are clearly the same person but only your core remains the same. What you create transcends what anyone will ever see. It’s such a visual of starting over.

Recreated Mom Starting Over
clearly the same person but only your core remains the same

For now, recreated mom resonates the most with my journey. If only everyone would do what Kim Katrin Milan recommends, “Don’t treat people how you would want to be treated: the golden rule. Treat people how they would like to be treated. And that means ask. Ask how they want to be treated.” How do you want to treated? What words resonate the most with your journey?

Start With Good Enough

It’s important that you drop the perfectionism. The dishes will sometimes not be done, laundry will pile up, the clothes will not be ironed, and meals will become more simplified etc… I was so glad to not stress on the finer details since I didn’t have another adult living in the house. But I had to create a balance.

Children need structure. So while the new found freedom is lovely, maintain structure and don’t let go of too much. Find the balance. Even just the thought of starting over frightens people. Acknowledge how far you have come. If you have a to do list that is so overwhelming, start by circling the ones that will make you feel better.

Yeah, you’re going to have to start choosing what will make you feel better rather than what is more important, at the beginning. Once the tasks that will make you feel better are done, you energy will flow much better and you will not be as overwhelmed with what you have to do. Then you will be able to take on the more daunting important tasks.

This might mean some things don’t get done by the end of the day, but if you are sifting and sorting what has to be done on a daily basis, you’ll get your list finished eventually. Small steps. And even then, if it’s not finished, be compassionate with yourself.

Make Things As Effortless As Possible

Use tools more often! Please note that if you make a purchase, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you, for referring you to some of these links. Here are some tips to make your day more effortless:

  • Put all the children clothes for the week in a designated organizer. I honestly use this type of shoe rack as you can see in my photo. Laying the clothes out the day before is great, but laying the clothes out for the entire week will do you wonders.
Clothes organized
Put all the children clothes for the week in a designated organizer
  • Do your meal prep for the entire week, even if you just plan parts of it. That’s OK. We are going to aim for good enough to get you started. I usually only manage to get the fruit portioned. I always use these reusable bags for produce and these reusable Ziploc bags for snacks.
  • Shop online at sites like Instacart, Peapod, and prime now. Prime now and Instacart deliver groceries straight to your door within an hour or two. Wherever you live, check your local grocery stores; most of them offer home delivery. Note that Instacart will deliver from several stores, so even if your local store doesn’t have home delivery, you could still find your local store on Instacart.
  • I got this portable washing machine and was also looking into getting this portable countertop dishwasher. They are not the built in stuff we are used to seeing but they are created to work at any sink. Reviews even show people using them in dorm rooms. If you don’t have a dishwasher or laundry washer these are a great help.
  • Start to speed and spot clean for small blocks of time. This means the place is not sparkling clean. But make it good enough. A little at a time will not leave you an overwhelming mess at the end of the day. My kids call these reusable wipes magic cloths. I use them to clean everything. Multipurpose cleaning will help you since you will just go around with one thing in hand.
  • Get your cooking more hands free and automated. A multi-cooker is a good idea. I have just a rice cooker. I use it for almost everything; rice, pasta, or potatoes in the bottom, meat and vegetables in the steam basket. And then I walk away and dinner is done. You can even set when your cooker turns on.
  • It’s also a big helps to have an app that helps you budget. There are the more integrated apps that will even link your bank accounts, but I like Daily Expenses 2: Personal finance. It’s really simple and easy to use.
  • And my new favourite thing on my wish list: an automatic lawn mower!! I would rather enjoy a nice day than be mowing my lawn!

Learn New Skills

Don’t be afraid to spend money investing in yourself. Now is the time to go and do that career that you never thought was possible once you started a family. Its also helpful to find other ways to be involved in the career or opportunity you desire. You can teach instead of join, or even join as a volunteer. Write the path to being your core self, in everything that you do.

Write your path
Write the path to being your core self, in everything that you do.

For something that is simple, (but not an easy way out) creating an online business is the best way to re-skill whether you need a new source of income or whether you need to supplement your income. It’s a learning curve but it enables you to create a schedule around your children and lifestyle. You can bring light to whether this resonates with you by watching the same video series that I started with. I’ll send the videos to your e-mail!

You will also find that you are taking on roles that you never used to play. I remember my triumph the first time I opened a jar without asking for help. Thank you Google! And thank you Finding Dory, for introducing the phrase “There is always another way.” I say this now almost on a daily basis. Don’t be stuck. There really is always another way.

Forgive Yourself

Self forgiveness is important when starting over because a lot of us end up in our situations because something went wrong / didn’t work. Try ho’oponopono. It really helped me. You will find yourself releasing emotions you didn’t even know you had. So much happens at a subconscious level. So humor yourself and try it even if you think it’s silly, or that you don’t need it.

Forgiveness is a process, not an event. There are times when feelings will resurface, so just give yourself time to release the anger / disappointment towards yourself. Life happens, so make the adjustment today. Make peace with yourself.

Journaling will also help you release. You can even take it further and write a letter, then burn it. Dear shame / guilt (any emotion), I am tired of feeling like this… write whatever you need to say. I usually end up just scribbling because I have no words. Then read it out loud once and burn it. You will feel great afterwards. Try it!

Get Serious With Working On Yourself

This is a list of recommended workbooks that are really helpful. If you can’t find a therapist to work on self esteem and your original wounds, these workbooks are a good enough start. Start the journey and create a life you love. Make the best of staring over. Sharing is also the best way I can pay it forward because this is what got me started before I found my therapist.

Books are easier to find worldwide since they often have an e-book and or audio book. And if you don’t read or listen to audio books, be around people who will help. Find a local therapist if you can; got to psychology today and look up a therapist. Join a support group, physical or virtual. Use these massive moments to go inward and do the work. The books will help anyone, because I needed the books long before I ended up at rock bottom.

If you have been a target of abuse I highly recommend not just looking for a therapist, but a therapist who is experienced in trauma. It’s important to note that not all therapists are created equal. It’s OK to fire your therapist and work with another therapist who resonates with you.

Healing is a lifelong process, not a destination. May you find peace and create a life you love. Working on yourself is the basis of being a recreated mom staring over. And please realize that healing is NOT going back to who you used to be.

Recreated Mom Starting Over

Take ownership of what you would like to be refereed as. Recreated mom starting over, or whatever you wish. You can be anything. Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Start with good enough. Make things as effortless as possible. Learn new skills. Forgive yourself. And get serious with working on you.

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

Chinese proverb

Now is the best time to create a life you love. Your situations are created for you to help you create, not to work against you. No matter how you feel like life is just slamming you.

Recreated Mom Starting Over
Recreated Mom Starting Over

What resonates the most with you at this part in your journey? What makes you feel empowered? Comment below. Feel free to share some tips that have helped you when you were starting over.

Comments

  1. Donna
    September 17, 2019

    Leave a Reply

    Hi Yvette!

    Your words are so beautifully healing. I am not a mom but that label “single mom” has always sounded so oxymoronic. In spite of our roles, at the core, we are whole. I love your proposition that the goal is not to find yourself but to create yourself- that’s the Universe speaking to me right there, it’s true.

    – Love and Light.
    Donna.

    • Yvette's light
      September 19, 2019

      Leave a Reply

      Hi Donna,

      Yeah, Its so true! Even the single, unmarried people without kids are still whole! Its my hope that we will all be creators of our lives.

      Love and Light to you too.🙏🏾

      Yvette

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what I offer on my siteI’m Yvette Oloo. Hello and Welcome. | I am on a journey of self actualization after loosing myself. | Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. | Spark your creativity!

 

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