The foolproof guide to finding/creating yourself

Why make a foolproof guide?

Foolproof guides are the best thing because they are so simple. This guide is for you if you know you just aren’t who you are supposed to be or if you are struggling with finding purpose. I struggled with figuring stuff out for such a long time until I came across this quote that was a revelation for me:

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

How many of you got the chills, just by reading that. I like to describe the feeling that I got as “opening a portal into reality” because the “way” just suddenly appeared.

My journey since, has been more exciting and progressive because its not been about finding something to love, do, make, see, feel, finding a use for myself… But its been about creating it.

So I created this guide I lead with, in a program I founded: the membership program is called True-Self Experience. Its simple to follow! The guide is not the printout, it is creating way markers on your path to a life you love.

Bite size pieces

I have organized self creation into 12 sections to make it easier to take in. Not all sections are equal so you might spend more time in one section than another, but do go through all sections because they all have their value and place. And they come together to create a whole that is your True-Self

You can start by downloading my free starter guide. Use it to start to define your True-Self through these 12 sections and to create who you truly are.

If you have been unfortunate to push down or erase yourself, this will especially be very beneficial, because its True-Self development: Some of us have gone into self development and done a ton of work in developing a false self or a self  we though others would like better.

Use this foolproof guide to bring more creativity to your journey. This is a summarized version of what I guide my members through. So print out your starter guide, and lets get started!

Section 1: Guidance

This is what you sense is guiding you within, and is your internal connection. In the foolproof guide, no matter what technique you use, “Be led by an internal guidance that nurtures and protects you.”

Your guidance is the part of you that is the oldest, and holds a lot of wisdom. Its pre-verbal, so we should learn how to communicate with it and not pin words we are familiar with.

Some ways to have conversations and connect with yourself are through: journaling, finger painting, crafting, visualizations, mirror work, dancing, playing, exploring, whatever creates connection within.

Be gentle with yourself. Write in your printout what it means to you to be connected and to be your true self.

Section 2: Belief

This is your internal belief systems and values that you convey to others. In the foolproof guide, “Know your value & create an internal belief system you convey to others.”

Acknowledge that you have value, just by existing. No matter what. You also want to create your own belief systems and values, then Live by it.

Don’t attach your worth to external things like your performance or contributions. Your value should not fluctuate. Don’t let people or situations take away your value

Create boundaries to keep out what doesn’t align with your new belief system and values. Keep what serves you.

Boundaries are a must have. Boundaries are not there to keep people from harming you, because that implies you can control people. They are there to reserve who you are.

Write your sacred code in the printout. Take a look at the examples on the sheet. Don’t overthink it!

Section 3: Belonging

This is your internal sense of belonging that drives you to act. We are all driven by a sense of belonging. Whether its wanting to be part of, or not wanting to be a part of “those people.”

In the foolproof guide, “Cultivate an internal sense of belonging that drives you to act.” You also want to have a greater sense of belonging to keep you going forward.

Work on feeling like you belong, not by going out and finding someone, something or a place. But from creating this within. Be ok with yourself and become what you want from others. If you can meet your own needs, you wont push yourself aside to get that sense of belonging.

Your greater sense of belonging can be spiritual. No matter where you find comfort: “God,” “Allah,” “Deity,” “Universe,” “Mother earth,” etc. please do not confuse this with religion. This is a sense we create for ourselves, not following.

Look within. Write your intensions for actions you can do to cultivate a sense of belonging in the printout. You shouldn’t feel shame, fear, obligation or guilt where you find comfort i.e. where you belong.

Section 4: Consciousness

This is being conscious of what is happening within you in relation to yourself and to those around you. In the foolproof guide, “Be conscious of what is happening for you in relation to self and others.”

You want to ensure you are being mindful of the whole picture and you also want to pay attention to the details.

Be attuned to what it takes to find balance. Don’t be ruled by one perspective. Take inventory of how things affect your mind, body, soul, spirit, those around you. Don’t overextend yourself to please others.

Create a whole spectrum of joy. Use breathing, yoga, Pilates, martial arts, T’ai Chi Chih, meditation etc. to raise your consciousness. Have a holistic approach.

There is no one single solution that does it all. Have some introspection and write this in your printout. Discern what is working for you.

Section 5: Relationships

This is what you convey in relational situations that builds relationships. In the foolproof guide, “Build mutual connections that are symbiotic in your relational situations.”

You want to seek to have interpersonal relationships that are open, honest and solutions oriented, where you are not having people beneath you or having people above you.

This is not just between you and a partner. Its your school, work, leaders, teams, technology etc. A healthy relationship is mutual and helps you grow. Take into account social factors, such as race, class, culture, and gender, and examine the power struggles that might occur.

Past experiences will affect your ability to attach to what is healthy. So use new tools, don’t fall back into old familiar patterns.

Use the printout to state why you are committing to a mutual relationship for yourself and for others.

Section 6: Actualization

This is taking action to reach actualization of your full potential. In the foolproof guide, “Take action to reach actualization of your full
potential.”

You want to seek to balance, what you love, what you are great at, what cause you believe in and what you are valued or paid for, as you work through Maslow’s Hierarchy to create joy.

Fill yourself with experiences of joy. You want to have abundance of joy, but realize that what others have is not yours to have. Or that their path is not your path.

Remove the expectation you are putting on yourself that is holding you back. But have a realistic view of who you are and what you are working towards without limiting yourself.

In the printout, consistently write the things that you are grateful for that bring abundance into your life.

Section 7: Expressive

This is forming a behavior of expressing the talents and gifts we have within. In the foolproof guide, “Form a behavior of expressing your talents and gifts, for it sets you apart.”

Seek to enhance your life by using your natural gifts and talents: Its what sets us apart from the rest of nature, enabling us to create different lives.

We all have a combination of talents and gifts that we come into this world with. This makes you unique. Embrace who you are. And be ok with not following something you are talented in just because you are good at it.

Find that sweet spot where you are using what you have that you decided to use. The place where you “get lost in time.” This might mean pursuing some things you are not particularly good at but can get there with practice. And letting go of the things you are so talented in that others say you MUST pursue.

In the printout Write what you would like to try; what you have always wanted to do. And what you would like to do the most.

Section 8: Presence

This is how you show up and be present, and convey your best behaviour. In the foolproof guide, “Show up, be present and convey behaviour that is best for you.”

You want to seek to become your best self while being in the present: not in the past or the future.

We all have parts of us that we don’t like and parts of us that we like better. But they are all parts of us; they get to coexist. It’s our responsibility to make sure that we are moving ourselves in a preferred direction.

Where your attention goes, energy flows. So focusing on how much you don’t like something or don’t want something will just make this more prominent. Focus on cultivating the parts of you you would like to be more prominent.

Be present, not focusing on your past whether it was good or bad. And do not live in the future, always going on to the next thing.

Take the time to write on the printout, what your wins are. Even if its that you got up this morning😉. You want to be your inner cheerleader and encourage yourself.

Section 9: Lifestyle

Create a lifestyle that aligns with who you are. In the foolproof guide, “Create a lifestyle that aligns with who yo are or you’re moving towards.”

You want to seek to Identify with  who you are. Every action you take is a vote towards who you want to be.

For instance, when you run a lot, you start to call yourself a runner. You identify with being a runner and do things that runners do, or that align with fulfilling your run, even if it shows up differently for you.

On your printout, write your identity statements using this guide; I am moving towards/I am (identity)___ by (how)___ because (why) ___ which makes me feel (feeling)___. For example, I am moving towards fitness by doing yoga, sleeping for 8 hours, and eating a plant based diet, because it gives me health, nutrition and energy to do the things I love, it feels worthwhile and makes me feel nurtured.

You can write this for several areas like the 10 areas in the printout. No pressure. Everything starts from a point. Whether that point is now or somewhere in the unforeseeable future.

Section 10: Understanding

This is having an internal understanding of what is happening externally. In the foolproof guide you want to “Have an internal understanding of what is happening in your environment.”

You want to seek a sensory stimulation that varies and oscillates throughout the day, but doesn’t overstimulate or misguide you. Understand how to create your best possible environment through engaging all your 5 senses.

We subconsciously use automatic actions, ingrained in us by repetition. We have a life event, we give it a label/meaning, this creates an emotion, we then have a response or action that creates an outcome or result. This cycle continues, forming our habits. Some of these can be bad habits, some can be good habits.

No matter how much willpower you have, your environment can overpower your willpower. Notice what you do throughout your day and track this on your printout. When your want to create a new habit you can use James Clear’s tips and: make it appear obvious, have it be attractive, make it easy and, make the result satisfying.

Section 11: Design

This is all about designing your external space to convey who you truly are. In the foolproof guide, “Design your external space to
serve you and convey who you are.”

There are two parts to this. The first part is releasing all the things around you that don’t bring you joy, and no longer serve you. You will understand this concept well if you watch “Tidying up with Marie Kondo.” I encourage you to read her books. It goes deeper than just organizing.

Rate objects by, feeling, smelling, hearing, looking, and tasting to determine if you want to keep it, and where you want to place it. Some of these might be conceptual like the taste of honey reminds you of warm summer mornings when you were a child. So, when you choose what to bring in, you can add something that is remnant of those summer mornings.

The second part isn’t always needed. Its bringing in what represents you and what you are moving towards. Its like turning your environment into a vision board. You are the only one who needs to know what it all means. Write what brings you joy in your printout. Take the time to vision this.

Section 12: Integration

This is integrating yourself and your environment, because you are a part of a whole, so your actions should be for your well-being and for the good of your environment.

In the foolproof guide, “Interact with your environment for it’s wellbeing, you’re a part of its whole.”

Create spaces, to interact with your friends, family, neighbors, community etc. For example, a couch facing a TV doesn’t encourage interaction. Instead, have the seats face each other. Also, connect with nature. Go out for a walk or a hike.

Recycling, using natural sustainable products, etc. will help create your sense of connection to the whole: Its finding ways to fulfil your part. Using natural products is also a good way to be kind to yourself and a way to give back to the earth. The harsh chemicals and conditions we have around us puts a toll on the earth and affects our well being.

In your printout, write about the shift you notice when you do what is good for your wellbeing and for the good of your environment.

The foolproof guide to finding/creating yourself

Take your time to go through this journaling and reflection. For further ideas and tips on True-Self experience journaling, watch these 12 videos in a 12 part series I uploaded to YouTube.

Finding yourself is something that we all venture into. Its starts when we are children. But Some of us never truly got that chance to create who you are.

Its like colour within this lines but with everything, “choose one of these schools/subjects/careers/homes etc. because they are best.” And we think within those lines, not within us. The search for yourself was doomed from the start because you searched outside yourself.

Look within, create guidance, belief, belonging, consciousness, relationships, actualization, expressive, presence, lifestyle, understanding, design and integration. There are lots of things outside yourself you cant control, but these are the 12 sections within you you can influence to create your True-Self.

Please leave a comment sharing what you have experienced. What sections have you tapped into, and what lessons have you learnt? Also, let me know if this was helpful and what else you would like to hear!

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