Posted by on June 20, 2019

I have struggled with fears of upsetting people, which lead to me acting a certain way. But Kim Katrin Milan’s TED talk helped me gain clarity. Always be your true self. Even if, at first, it’s just in the little things.

Struggling with fears of upsetting people

Have you heard of people pleasers? I’ve had a fear of ruffling feathers. Because of this I acted a certain way around certain people, so it could be easier. I wanted to make people comfortable. But it wasn’t easier. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin.

It starts with the small things, such as not playing your “weird” music. Then you gradually loose more and more of yourself. It’s unfortunate if you are facing someone abusive because they rage. So you act a certain way to keep the peace.

“Don’t light yourself on fire to keep other people warm”

Kim Katrin Milan

Take a deep dive into why you are afraid. You might not even realize, like I didn’t, that your situation is problematic. I just saw myself as someone peaceful who goes with the flow.

I highly advice you go to and look for a therapist in your area if you are struggling with this. You can also read The Disease To Please by Harriet B Braiker. I really love this book!

How I gained clarity

This TED talk saved my life. I listen to a lot of motivational videos, read motivational books, but none of them had such a mind blowing impact: I was left with such an awoken sense that I cannot describe.

I just had to listen to more so I searched Kim Katrin Milan and just binge watched and read everything I could find!! Everything I found was like arriving in a new world. She was speaking of how I felt the world should be. Such a feeling of truth. My mindset was changed. I began to feel the freedom to speak my mind, and to show up as Yvette.

Always show up as your true self

I’ve gained such a deep understanding of why the LGBTQ community is called brave. I had an argument once with someone who was denying this bravery… It takes a lot to show up as who you truly are, unapologetic, even when there is rage. Clearly understand that I am not comparing my experience in domestic violence to being LGBTQ.

Anything can spark a light for you. The changes I made to my life didn’t happen right away. But I was set on how I wasn’t going to live my life anymore. I quote Kim Katrin Milan because her words speak to me. They might not speak to you like they did to me. We are all on different paths in our journey. But I hope you will take what works and let the rest go.

Taking steps at a time helps. Most likely, any negative learned behavior you have was slowly created.  But you can unlearn it. For example, look at your closet… what clothes do you have that you bought because someone else will think of you in a certain way.

The TED talk that changed my life
The Ted Talk that changed my life

Be who you truly are at all times. Even if everyone in the room is different from you. Have you had such a strong realization come to you from such an unexpected way? Are you familiar with the writer, educator, artist, Kim Katrin Milan? Feel free to comment below on your thoughts.


  1. Makena
    August 2, 2019

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    I love how transformational your writing is. It’s like your speaking to the inner me that gave in and gave up a long time ago to fear

  2. Yvette
    August 2, 2019

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    The inner self tends to be silenced. Your not enough this, too much this, whatever what the message is. Be unapologetic-ally you. Start with the small things, the fear will go away. Or you will be OK with the fear because the feeling of being you will be sooo good.

  3. Jennifer
    August 3, 2019

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    Twenty of the most -viewed TED talks that will inspire you to act and do something amazing today.

    • Yvette
      August 3, 2019

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      I love TED talks. They are inspiring!

  4. Kathy
    August 4, 2019

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    TED Conferences LLC (Technology, Entertainment, Design) is a media organization that posts talks online for free distribution under the slogan

  5. Brittany
    August 7, 2019

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    Are you looking closely? Visual educator Amy Herman explains how to use art to enhance your powers of perception and find connections where they may not be apparent.

    • Yvette
      August 7, 2019

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      Thank you for the resource! That is interesting. You’ll be amazed at what you see when you change your perception.

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True Self Development

what I offer on my siteI’m Yvette Oloo. Hello and Welcome. | I am on a journey of self actualization after loosing myself. | Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself. | Spark your creativity!