First I want to share some breaking points that are a precursor to why I started another online business. Though most of my growth happened over the past year when I had my online business, my growth built up over time.
When I look back to where I was, I know with certainty that I can never go back. Once you know, you do better.
How did it feel for you when you discovered your being lied to or used? Maybe your job was unfulfilling but you still had to go back to work. Once you have that realization, just going on is difficult.
It can crush you, making you feel like you’re getting smaller and smaller. And no matter what you do, you just can’t get rid of the constraints. You just feel suffocated.
A look back at where I started
I always wanted to be an entrepreneur. I thought I was going to be a famous architect that changed the world, and was marvelous. My own conscious, sustainability architecture firm.
I didn’t mind working for nothing when the work appealed to me. So right out of college, I got on fiverr.com. freelancing. Worked for only $5. I started well. Even had someone say my talents were wasted doing their simple work.
But I ran into a toxic client that kept asking for a complete redesign. The final products were so different. It felt like he was just using me to do bulk work under the same $5 contract. That stopped me in those tracks.
I had a slow start when I finally found a job. I even tried making some change as I explain below. But after 5 years of working, I lost my passion and motivation.
I was up early to get to the office. Mostly drafting, to build somebody else’s dreams while sacrificing my own. What bothered me the most, was that I was working for an architect who managed and designed but didn’t do any drafting. Yet they kept most of the money to run the business and eat. I never moved up.
Every time I had some resolve to leave, I was given an ever so slight raise. As a victim of abuse I have noticed this in my patterns: I settled for crumbs.
What I came to realize, is that most architecture firms function this way. The licensing board makes sure all architects work under another architect for at least 3 years; calling you an intern. There is such an effort to make you look small.
Taking on more
In the last 2 of those 5 years my life started to spiral in the wrong direction. Work slowed down. So I took on a second job that was toxic.
In the middle of all of that, I was dealing with an abusive relationship. I remember having a horrific traumatizing experience, but going to work the next day and pretending I was ok.
Have you ever had to show up for work or to an event, and pretend everything was ok? Being able to compartmentalize is great, but sometimes it just leads to disassociation.
I eventually left that relationship. Having two jobs was great, but it still wasn’t enough. I wanted to make more, but I knew the answer wasn’t in putting in more hours. Its a hard choice a lot of people in my shoes make, when raising a child without a partner: working 2-3 jobs.
The down turn
My commute became a long 2 ½ hours. At some point I had to wake up even earlier to get myself and my kids on the 5.50 am bus for an 8 hour work day. They slept the entire way even if we kept changing buses.
We were getting home late and we were so exhausted after our long commute back. But I would cook us some dinner, we would eat, then our day would be done. Just to start all over again.
My job was constantly getting in the way of spending time with my family and I wasn’t even able to make ends meet without help. I even tried working from home instead of the office to save time on my commute, but it got worse because I was bringing the toxicity into my house.
Where do most of the hours of your day end up? Do you have a family you only see for a few hours a week? A project you never got started? A vacation plan you keep postponing?
My emotional health begun to be negatively impacted. After all that, it felt as if my desire to spend more time with my family was laughing in my face: I started being sent less and less drafting work to do at home. With both jobs!
I ended up having to go to surgery. My complications were probably stress related. I didn’t have the money to cover my procedure. But since I really needed the money, I kept drafting while I sat there in excruciating pain. Up till the day of the surgery,
I constantly got messages from the boss who was concerned I wouldn’t be done in time: my recovery time was 6-8 weeks. This was from the non toxic boss!? Have you ever felt like the work you did was more important that you?
Making a change??
I had to do something. As you can imagine, this only complicated my financial responsibilities. I needed a change. My first thought was to start a single person firm, so I could keep all the architectural fees.
But drafting had lost its appeal. I also knew it would be a huge time commitment, so it would still be problematic. I needed both time and money; I wanted to create leverage without trading my time for money.
I think its also important to mention, I stumbled into MLM (Multi-level marketing) 5 years ago. The MLM sell financial services. I thought it was the best thing to answer my prayers but the whole concept of pitching to your family and friends just didn’t work for me.
I left that dormant for years and got a call to try them out again during this pandemic. I fully let It go last month when I realized through my coaching coursework that it functions like a cult.
How it relates to a cult
People walk away from MLM because only the people at the very top benefit. But that didn’t make me walk away. As they say about survivors of abuse:
We are like Little red Riding Hood with the red cape, bouncing down the street going to give her grandmother cookies. Then we see the wolf, but don’t notice it’s a wolf. Because we’re used to feeding wolves.
MLM is very much like a cult because of the way they hook you. “Come join us it’s so wonderful. You’re going to make millions. This is what you have to do (insert brainwashing of self that is described as: taking you out of your comfort zone.) The residual income is great.”
They’re so structured and rigid. And they count on your ignorance, rushing you to making decisions. They are very secretive and manipulative. I could go on and on.
New found freedom
I found SFM (Six Figure Mentors) a year ago while I was laying around in recovery. Some will argue that aspects of its affiliate program function like MLM. But its not just affiliate marketing and it doesn’t function that way. I love how it keeps you true to yourself. Your authentic self. Whether your an affiliate or not.
Your online business reflects who you are in your passion and dreams. It’s not so rigid and structured… suffocating, like everything else I tried.
Do you know what it feels like to wake up in the morning, get in your car to get into traffic? (or like me get on a bus, get on a train/get on another bus, walk: just to get to work 1½ – 2½ hours later.) Just to build somebody else’s dream and not make enough. Sacrificing your passions, projects, family…
Finding my direction
I still remember what it felt like when I got on a one on one call with their coach Jill Humphreys. Sitting there on the opposite side of the screen. Filled with hope.
I was waiting for her to tell me how it’s done: I’ve learnt all the digital skills, but how do I translate that to money… But that’s not what she said. Paraphrasing, she asked, “What do you want? What are you looking for?”
I asked her to repeat the question. LOL. I was so confused! Who me?! I almost looked behind to see if she was talking to somebody else. I was taken aback by having leadership that actually cared about me.
Through introspection I had done so much healing work. It was such a breath of fresh air to also be able to be introspective in my online business. I was finally out of the FOG.
Fulfilling my purpose
Now I spread the message to people like me: people who wanted to be entrepreneurs but got lost along the way. Searching for their dream, instead of creating it: instead of creating entrepreneurship that aligns with their core.
Here I share my lessons of trauma and dysfunction that led me astray, and my lessons as I created a path. A path to my true self. So I find it fulfilling to help people create their paths. To create a life they love.
I don’t shove do this, do that, down people’s throats. Much less the throats of my family and friends who sometimes aren’t even ready to be entrepreneurs. Or aren’t ready to make a change. I share my stories and it stops there or I link people to SFM and they create their own path.
I was loving putting my life back together, getting everything started again. And in some aspects, creating for the very first time!
After you’ve left abuse and dysfunction you get such a sense of peace and calm. You almost drown in that sense of security. Because it feels so good you don’t want to come up out of it.
But I was feeling called for something more. So I left that security: this year I decided to focus on just being an entrepreneur. My online business. Letting things flow as my healing leads my business. As I get deeper into who I am.
The light bulb
I’ve been wanting to transform my space for a while. Your environment speaks to you. I wanted to change my dialogue with my surroundings. Create something else.
I now had the time, but I didn’t have the money to create my major renovation. So I got some paints and changed my living room colour. And with that, the transformation begun.
That was the best decision ever. It was so therapeutic. And my space now speaks a different language, leave alone a change in dialogue. I love it!
Though a constant journey, I had changed internally. I was now able to have a business that reflects who I was. And I finally brought my environment up to par, to reflect who I was.
Sharing my joy
I can’t begin to put in words the transformation within me that was created from transforming my environment. It sparked me to want to share this Joy.
What does Joy feel like for you: What does it look like? What are you smelling when you feel Joy? What does it sound like? What are you tasting when you feel Joy? What are the sensations in your body? How is your breath when you are joyful?
You can put that into your environment. You can create joy in your space. That’s why this month I’ve created “I Create My JOY“. Another online business.
It trades time for money, unlike my other online business Yvette’s Light. But I found such revelation from freeing my environment of the memories it held, and creating a portrayal of my true self. That is worth sharing!
Help Create JOY
I have taken what I learnt in my journey this past year; the concept of SFM letting people lead themselves. A good coach/leader will help you align with who you are.
With I create my joy, I help people bring out who they are in their environment, helping them with what they want and what they need. I coach survivors of abuse in design.
True leadership cares about others. Along with coaching, part of what I do is raise money to help people furnish and decorate their home, after they have had to relocate for safety.
Why I started another online business
I started another online business because one of the beliefs I have is “dream deeper not bigger.” I amplified my desire to spread what I have experienced. I wanted to create a life I love. So I help others create a life they love. I created Joy in my space. So I want to help others create Joy in theirs paces.
As an entrepreneur, the reason why you start a business becomes Paramount. What is your why? I often ask why do you want to start an online business. Even with healing, you look at the root: why you behave the way you do.
Your why will keep you open to creating. And hopefully you won’t be trying to look behind you like I did! LOL: thinking only about how to make money.
What have you felt with your journey: have you felt suffocated, thus had a profound moment about how you work to earn an income? I’m also curious to hear if your environment affected your emotions, whether small or large. Comment below.
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